How they will know the pope is dead

[Joe User]

On NPR today, they gave interesting details on the rituals of pope death.

When they find him dead, they call a certain Vatican functionary. The guy
goes through a certain ritual.

First, he loudly calls out the deadpope's given name three times. He'll
scream "CARROL! CARROL! CARROL!". If that doesn't rouse the pope, he
will produce a sacred hammer. Really. The hammer has the vatican seal on
one side, and I guess a regular nail-driving business end on the other
side.

Then, the vatican functionary will tap the deadpope on the forehead with
the hammer three times. If he doesn't rouse, they announce his death.

Really, I wish I knew more about this, and how long this stupid little
ritual has been going on. Every 20 years for a thousand years, or what.
I was raised as a Catholic, but noone ever taught me what to do when I
find a dead catholic at home. I don't even own a sacred hammer.

[unknown]

Post by Joe User
On NPR today, they gave interesting details on the rituals of pope death.
When they find him dead, they call a certain Vatican functionary. The guy
goes through a certain ritual.
First, he loudly calls out the deadpope's given name three times. He'll
scream "CARROL! CARROL! CARROL!". If that doesn't rouse the pope, he
will produce a sacred hammer. Really. The hammer has the vatican seal on
one side, and I guess a regular nail-driving business end on the other
side.
Then, the vatican functionary will tap the deadpope on the forehead with
the hammer three times. If he doesn't rouse, they announce his death.
Really, I wish I knew more about this, and how long this stupid little
ritual has been going on. Every 20 years for a thousand years, or what.
I was raised as a Catholic, but noone ever taught me what to do when I
find a dead catholic at home. I don't even own a sacred hammer.

boy that's an interesting tit bit.

I bet if you could find accurate detailed pictures of the official
ritual "whack-a-pope" hammer and make a facsimile of it you could sell
it as a "Dead Pope Emergency Kit" and make a bundle of money off
people with a weird sense of humor.

[iDRMRSR]

Carrol? Like the guy that wrote Alice in Wonderland? Burnette? Channing?
O'Connor from all in the Family?

Oh wait, I think I know now:

http://www.kensmen.com/catholic/papalelections.html

But...grab this page fast before the web traffic gits so high you end up
with them nasty Internal Server Errors.

[*]
-----

[nu-monet v7.0]

Post by Joe User
On NPR today, they gave interesting details on
the rituals of pope death.
When they find him dead, they call a certain
Vatican functionary. The guy goes through a
certain ritual.

I'd like to think it was like the ritual they used
on the dead Klingon Emperor in Star Trek TNG, where
they zapped him with a souped-up cattle prod a bunch
of times.

[HellPope Huey]

Post by nu-monet v7.0

Post by Joe User
On NPR today, they gave interesting details on
the rituals of pope death.
When they find him dead, they call a certain
Vatican functionary. The guy goes through a
certain ritual.

I'd like to think it was like the ritual they used
on the dead Klingon Emperor in Star Trek TNG, where
they zapped him with a souped-up cattle prod a bunch
of times.

And a guy dressed like "The Devil" kicks him in his dead ass a few
times and runs off cackling.

--

HellPope Huey
Sometimes a man can falter if he is
postally deluged with 700 chihuahua hearts.

Nothing is more curious
than the almost savage hostility
that humor excites in those who lack it.
~George Saintsbury

"I'd kiss ya, but I lost my teeth pullin' a stump."
- "Futurama"

[Grandmaster D]

the real question is: is he really dead? I can see that smashing in the
fucker's head with a mallet to make sure he's "bought the farm" is
rational behaviour. Wholely (sp?) in line with 'old-times' behaviour
in terms of the Roman Catholic church's milieu. But the RCs these days are
a sad, mostly manky, and _desperate_, lot compared to 1450! A tap on the
head? Bah!

I had hoped that in these enlightened days (ie.
post-VATICAN2) they would summarily smother 'the man' with a pillow and
not make such a fuss!

yo
voc.

PS maybe they did?

[Kristian Lahdensuo]

Pope is dead when God says so! Believe in him.

[Rev Chain Smerker]

Post by Kristian Lahdensuo
Pope is dead when God says so! Believe in him.

Amen Brother, the Lord shall stiketh his servant dead when HE chooses no
sooner and soon afterwards the Anti-Christ will become the new pope.

But as luck has it, the anti-Anti-Christ is also cumming back THIS VERY
YEAR, PRAISE "BOB"

[Rev. Richard Skull]

<<Pope is dead when God says so! Believe in him. >>

The Pope will be dead after the Cable TV news, the Politicians, and the
Pundits can no longer squeeze every single bit of free "holier then
thou" buldada out of him.

Once the ratings drop 1 piont, he's done for!

[Kevin Cunningham]

Post by Kristian Lahdensuo
Pope is dead when God says so! Believe in him.

Ok, which one should I believe in now? Also when the Pope guy is dead do
all the priests get a free fuck?

Rev. Dr. Junior Mints
Anti-Pope of Atlanta

[Kristian Lahdensuo]

Post by Kevin Cunningham

Post by Kristian Lahdensuo
Pope is dead when God says so! Believe in him.

Ok, which one should I believe in now? Also when the Pope guy is dead do
all the priests get a free fuck?

Divinity is a gift (worth 30$), but not to be used for whoring.

[nikolai kingsley]

Post by Kristian Lahdensuo
Pope is dead when God says so! Believe in him.

but god speaks to us through the Pope! what happens if he's dead?
ventriloquism? undead Pope speaking? or silence?

[Kristian Lahdensuo]

Post by nikolai kingsley

Post by Kristian Lahdensuo
Pope is dead when God says so! Believe in him.

but god speaks to us through the Pope! what happens if he's dead?
ventriloquism? undead Pope speaking? or silence?

Pope is dead, long live the pope!
Pope murmurs now trough silence, so listen more carefully.
If I would stumble to the pope while strolling in the wilderness he would
distinguish himself by his silent murmuring.

[Papa Pepperoni]

Post by Joe User
Really, I wish I knew more about this, and how long this stupid little
ritual has been going on. Every 20 years for a thousand years, or what.
I was raised as a Catholic, but noone ever taught me what to do when I
find a dead catholic at home. I don't even own a sacred hammer.
--
Give me control of a nation's money and I care not
who makes the laws.
-- Mayer Anselm Rothchild (1743-1812)

(remember that 1968 movie Shoes Of the Fishermen w/Tony Quinn - very
accurate)

----------
A Papal Succession Primer

An aging and ailing pope is inevitably cause for speculation as to who his
successor will be -- and how he will be chosen. The ritual papal election
has always attracted special attention, as detailed sacred procedures are
followed to secure a legitimate succession of power. Here's a brief outline
of how it's done:

When the Pope dies, the head of the Sacred College of Cardinals, or
Camerlengo, verifies the death. Standing over the deceased, he calls the
pontiff by his baptismal name three times. Upon receiving no response, he
announces the death and arranges for the Fisherman's ring -- inscribed with
the name of the reigning pope -- and papal seal to be broken. Later,
another ring will be made for the newly elected pope. The Camerlengo then
prepares for the Pope's burial and the traditional nine days of mourning.
Assisted by three officials elected from the college, he directs the
election of the pontiff's successor.

Fifteen to 20 days after the death of the Pope, the Sacred College of
Cardinals meets for the election. Hailing from every corner of the globe,
the cardinals are handpicked by the pope to advise and help him. There are
currently 123 voting cardinals.

After a Mass of the Holy Spirit in St. Peter's Basilica, the cardinals
enter a guarded annex of the Sistine Chapel for the election process, known
as a conclave. Each cardinal swears an oath to protect the secrecy of the
election. Breaking the oath carries a penalty of immediate excommunication.
Literally locked within the walls of the annex, which is screened for
bugging devices, the cardinals are sequestered from any contact with the
outside world. Entrances are sealed and curtains closed.

The next morning, the cardinals attend mass in the Sistine Chapel and the
electoral session begins. According to the reforms of Pope Paul VI, only
cardinals under the age of 80 may vote. While for centuries only cardinals
have been elected pope, in theory, any adult male Roman Catholic is
papabile, or a potential candidate for the papacy.

The election is conducted in secret written ballots counted by the
Camerlengo and his three assistants. In the past, a pope needed two thirds
of the vote plus one to be elected. In 1996, however, Pope John Paul II
changed this rule so that if the votes continue to be unsuccessful for 12
or 13 days, the cardinals may agree by absolute majority (half plus one) to
elect.

Two ballots are taken each morning and two each afternoon until a
successful vote is completed. After each voting session, ballots are
burned. If the vote is inconclusive, a chemical substance is added to the
paper to produce black smoke. Billowing from the roof of the Vatican
Palace, the smoke is a message to the crowds watching in St. Peter's Square
that the church is still without a pope.

When the college eventually reaches the final decision, each cardinal
lowers a purple canopy over his chair, leaving the elected Pope's canopy
folded. The final ballots are burned and their white smoke signals a
successful election. The dean of the cardinals asks if the chosen member
accepts the papacy. Upon accepting, the new pontiff is made bishop of Rome
and is honored by each of the cardinals.

The dean then steps out onto the balcony of the Vatican, shouting "Habemus
papam!" ("We have a Pope!") The new pontiff then appears to greet and bless
the waiting world.

-- Elizabeth Frantz

Copyright © 1999 Time Inc. New Media. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.time.com/time/daily/special/papacy/how.html

[Aldo Of Pignotti]

I'm trying to get my name on the ballot. I think I'd make a really
great Pope. I'd hire a bunch of party girls to be in my entourage and
I would select a number of Cardinals who were good surfers and we would
travel around the world looking for great beaches. We would have giant
beach parties and we would invite people like all the Palestinian
terrorists to come hang out with us. We'd Rave at night and surf
during the day. Then, we'd say, "Hey, you dudes can hang out with us
or you can split because were having a bunch of West bank Jewish
settlers come over this afternoon for a barbeque. Pretty soon,
everyone would be kicked backed with a beer or a root beer. We'd party
until everyone was buddies.

[Rev. Richard Skull]

<<I'm trying to get my name on the ballot. I think I'd make a really
great Pope. I'd hire a bunch of party girls to be in my entourage and
I would select a number of Cardinals who were good surfers and we would

travel around the world looking for great beaches. We would have giant

beach parties and we would invite people like all the Palestinian
terrorists to come hang out with us. We'd Rave at night and surf
during the day. Then, we'd say, "Hey, you dudes can hang out with us

or you can split because were having a bunch of West bank Jewish
settlers come over this afternoon for a barbeque. Pretty soon,
everyone would be kicked backed with a beer or a root beer. We'd party

until everyone was buddies>>

You'd need to have a theme song to play when you enter the room.

Have someone re-write the Theame from Shaft into a Pope song!

"That Pope is one bad motha....."
"Shut your mouth!"
"But I'm talking about The Pope!"

[Kristian Lahdensuo]

Rev. Richard, let us be pals. After this friendship none of our girlfriends
will cheat on us!
Entering the room have to be the most insulting.. floor plates for god's
sake.

[Paul Casino]

You'd need to have a theme song to play when you enter the room.

Oh yeah, go the whole nine yards on this one, get a big pro-wrestler
style entrance with fireworks and lighting fx and smoke and a gigantic
TV screen flashing scenes from "Jesus Christ Superstar!". "Remedy" by
the Black Crowes puming out of every speaker, Pope comes dancing down
the aisle, high fiving people in the crowd. Michael Buffer on the
microphone: "Llllllet's get ready to act HUUUUMMMBLE!" That'd be
fucking sweet.

[Aldo Of Pignotti]

I read (somewhere) that they have a stripper, dressed as a Nun, do a
strip tease around his bed. She's supposed to end her act by wiggeling
her pussy in front of his face. If he doesn't pull a buck out of his
wallet for a tip, he's declared dead.